The Don't Do's

I am sitting here thinking about all the things I learned that one shouldn't do in the past month or so. Thought I might share some of them in case any of you are contemplating doing any of them. hehehehee

Don't feed a dog chili (you can imagine)
Don't tell 8 year old boys that gold fish like to be petted.
Don't reheat leftover bacon in the oven for over a minute (did you know bacon can go up in flames??)
Don't pass gas in public around a child (they will inform everyone who it is)
Don't burp into an automated voice system on a phone (they will connect you with a foreign country)
Don't tell an 8 year old where the super glue is.
Don't sneeze when a cat is sleeping on your lap. (those of you who own cats know what I'm talking about)
Don't sneeze while brushing your teeth. (ickyyyyyyyy ewwwwwwww)
Don't feed a fish marshmallows.
Don't walk into the bathroom when your husband is on the toilet giggling.
Don't eat or drink something that your 8 year old brings into you saying "taste this please" (always question what it is)
Don't taste anything that looks like brown gravy spilled on the counter, especially when you didn't have gravy for dinner. (for my brother-in-law)
Don't call a mother picking up her kid at school and idiot driver when yours and her windows are down.
Don't yell BOO next to the bird cage (seems parakeets can explode)
Don't tie a balloon to a dogs tail. for that matter
Don't tie a balloon to a cats tail. (since it was so much fun with the dogs) and
Don't let the balloon float to bump the bird cage (seems parakeets can explode twice)
And my big one. We live in a tight nit little neighborhood. Everyone likes to spend time outside. so... Don't leave the door open when you have a family like mine. Or the entire neighborhood will hear things like "Get your head out of the toilet" and "Stop that! Hamsters can't swim" and "DON'T YOU DARE SUPER GLUE THAT CAT TO THE DOG" and " If you keep forcing yourselves to fart your going to explode". At least the neighbors get a laugh.
And the honorable mention. Don't tell your son that something won't fit up his nose.

I'm sure I will have much more Don't do's as time goes by. Hope this stops some of you from making a big mistake. hehehehehe