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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Hell Has Frozen Over!!

You have all heard me refer to Arizona as the 9th rung of hell. Well let me tell ya, Hell has finally frozen over. When you get 119 to 125 degrees in the summer, and that's normal. Freezing temps take you by surprise. Not only that. But....Monday night, it fricken snowed!!!! I don't mean the snow that fluffs around here then melts off at the first rays of sun. I mean snowed and 4 inches stuck, and today most of it is still stuck on the ground snowed. All the kids are excited. Last time it snowed and stuck enough for kids to play in was when Kiddo was 2. He is now 10. Time before that, I was 17. Lets just say that's a long time ago. hehehehee

I don't mind the snow so much. Driving around town in it is fine for me (now everyone else, drives like they don't know what it is, and crashes into stuff) I won't drive out of town on long distances in it though. I don't even mind the kids playing, or it being cold, or the dogs getting muddy paws. The main thing I mind about snow. Is walking in it. Like to the car, or to a store, or up and down the fricken icy steps!!!!!!!!!!! The husband does scrape and put salt down. But it still has a thin, very slick sheet of ice. And it probably would be fine, but ever since I fell in Texas and hurt myself so bad. I'm so very scared to fall again. Scared I'll fall by myself and the cell phone won't work, and people will find me frozen to the pavement. uggghhhhh

On a side note. My suburban tried to eat me alive today. The two front doors have been really hard to open from the inside. To the point that we have to have help sometimes getting out of the car. Kiddo had found the trick to getting in and out, you have to hold the handle a certain way, and move very slow and gentle, and the door will open. Well....insert snow and freezing temperatures. Now the fricken doors are worse than ever in the mornings. This morning I drive home from taking kiddo to school. I CAN'T GET OUT OF THE FRICKEN SUBURBAN!!!! IT HAS ME STUCK INSIDE, IT WON'T BUDGE, NO GENTLE, OR CRAZED SLAMMING MY SHOULDER INTO THE DOOR IS GONNA OPEN THIS BITCH!!!! So...I calm down, and try rolling the window down to open the latch on the outside. Well...again since my fall in Texas (where I also dislocated my elbow pretty bad) I can't seem to twist my arm around enough to open the latch. I'm to chunky (fat people) to get myself turned around in the seat to use the other arm. For some reason I can't get the seat to recline back so it's easier to do. With the problems in my back and legs, I couldn't get my toosh over the middle console to get out the other door, WHICH WAS FRICKEN STUCK ALSO!!!! Again I start the mad woman SLAMMING MY SHOULDER INTO THE DOOR CURSING AT THE SUBURBAN TO LET ME GO, AND GETTING NOWHERE!!!! I use the cell phone and call Gigantor, to ask him to come home and let me out of my mother bunny humping car!!! How embarrassing is that??? Of course he starts laughing so hard he fell over, then he told everyone within a 10 block radius about it. Needless to say, that sorta ticked me off. So...I cranked that arm, felt a very sharp pain in my elbow, and a pop, and ignored it and opened that stupid as latch from the outside. I'm out of the suburban, I've done kicked the tires and called it every name in the book... Now I'm on some anti inflamitories, and ice on the elbow to see if the throbbing goes down. hehehehe Lets just say even though I'm out, I think the score is Suburban-1 Angry fat woman-0...this afternoon I'm taking the shotgun, the bitch better let me out.

Have a great, locked in your car free, Thursday everyone!!!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

you're stealing our snow!

New York has been so warm, I've decided global warming has officially bitch slapped us.

Anonymous said...

At least if you get eaten by a Suburban, you have plenty of room to max and relax. Much better than getting eaten by a Mini. Oh, and do people still say max and relax?

Anonymous said...

'Fica - it ain't snowing in LA, and I got pleeeeenty of room!

Mike Todd - NO ONE says "max and relax" any more. Well, no one cool anyway ;p

Happy Egg Nog!

-TL

NWJR said...

It's snowing in Arizona, but I'm walking around NY with shirtsleeves.

Something's wrong. Something's VERY wrong.

Julie said...

I had to use my A/C on Monday here in Tn! Our weather is freaky!
Have a great Christmas! xoxo