I was gonna post that funny story today, but I will post it tomorrow. Right now I need some advice.
Kiddo has a friend named K. Him and K do alot together. They are tight. But K has started calling Kiddo "pudgy" yes Kiddo is a big boy, he's rather husky, but he's built like a fricken tank. He's got a little tummy on him though. He has told K that it hurts his feelings. But K will say, "I'm only kidding" and just keep doing it. I told him to tell K that sometimes even kidding can hurt, and to please not do it anymore. But...K still does it. He says he's only kidding, and that is what he likes to call Kiddo. Well...it's really hurting Kiddo's feelings. I don't know if I should let these two 9 year olds fix it. Or if I should, uggghhhh, call his mom and talk to her. What do you all think, should I make that call to his mom??? I just don't wanna be like "well your kid is calling my kid names and you better stop it" kind of thing. I think I can be more diplomatic than that. I just don't want to embarrass her or hurt her feelings either.
So...give me your 2 cents worth or advice. And no Alekx, running over K with my suburban is not an option. hehehehee
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Advice
Posted by Burfica at 8:51 AM
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7 comments:
ok so here is what you do .. since you have already talked to the kid with no avail.. you DO call his mom
and this is what you say ..
hey K's mom.. this is Burfica.. kiddo's mom.. i really hate to bother you with this but..
your son has chosen a nick name for my son that really hurts his feelings..
i have addressed the issue with K but he still insists on calling Kiddo this name and I find it inappropriate.. could you help me out here ? "
Hi there =) I don't think I've ever commented before, but I've been reading your blog for quite a while now (I'm just a lazy commenter!)
I have an 11 yr old son who is a little on the short side, he's always been the shortest kid in his class. So, he gets teased and picked on often. Most of the time he's ok with it, if it comes from a good friend who he knows means no offense, but one of the boys in is class last year really ticked him off over it. Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that my son's response after months of teasing by this kid got him (my son) suspended from school for ten days....
So, my advice is A) talk to Kiddo and offer him whatever responses you can think of that he might use when teased by his friend, some sort of comeback that while not mean, might get his point across that he's not liking this one little bit. B) Talk to the friend once more and explain to him that while he may not *mean* to hurt Kiddo's feelings, he really is, and that a good friend would stop it. If that fails, then yeah I'd talk to the kid's mom. Maybe she can get the message across if you can't.
Another thing, my other son (who doesn't live with me) is also a husky boy, who is also blessed with brains out the wazoo, so he really got teased a lot.... his choice of action was to start lifting weights. He turned his size to his advantage, he's now a muscular kid, and the other kids his age don't mess with him one bit!
Good luck handling this issue! It's a tough one for us to decide when to butt in and when to back off... 9 years old is still young enough to butt in on occasion though ;) Let him handle what he can but be there to help or offer advice when he needs it =)
I've been told I'm a smart ass many times.. so I'd go that route,, so I wouldn't use my advice... but sometimes simple can be best.. make up a nickname for the other kid and use it and say 'see that kinda hurts doesn't it? get the point? you don't like it when it's on the other foot do you?'
yeah probably bad advice. I'm too damn mean now!
I do remember though, I told a very tall person 'you were probably pretty good at basketball, ey? ' and I really wasn't trying to be an ass - that time- and he said 'I bet you were really good at miniture golf!" and the point came across. Same kind of lesson.. put the shoe on the other foot for the kid somehow.
KIDS! Sheesh! The thing we all have to remember is, kids do what they see adults doing. I've found that treating a kid like an adult, and speaking to him DIRECTLY, not couching it in "kid talk" sometimes has an effect. Other times, like it seems in this case, the kid misses the point altogether. Tougher measures may be required.
One thing Kiddo needs to do is toughen up... both physically AND emotionally. He's about to enter his teens, and any boy who can't defend himself WILL get pummeled! I speak from personal experience here! As his mom, make SURE he gets LOTS of exercise (especially aerobic) and reduce his carbohydrate and caloric intake to healthy levels. A pudgy 9 year old usually gets that from lack of excercise and an excessively sugary diet.
I hope that helps!
well.... from the queen of strange parenting and bluntness, I offer this.
Kids are kids are kids. Life is tough. Your kid needs to get a thicker skin. You can do this by addressing your child instead of worrying about someone else's, that's the job of that other unfortunate mom. Sure, if you speak to the mom of this other child you'll get the result you are seeking, but how does that help your child in the long run? And what if that kid decides to retaliate against your son for getting him in trouble with his mother? That usually creates misery for your own kid rather than help him. You need to address your son's self image, explain to him that what he sees right now is temporary, that one day he'll grow into his body and be the man of someone's dreams. Explain to him that there are hurtful people in the world who will pick on him the rest of his life for what they perceive as a shortcoming. He will never change that or stop it from happening now or in the future, but what does matter is what he does with it. Explain to him that most people who say hurtful things do so because of some reason that really has nothing to do with him and that nine times out of ten, it's because they are stupid. Teach your son to roll with punches rather than get hurt from them, it will help him the rest of his life.
That's my two cents worth.
I hope this issue works out for you. Sorry you have such issues honey, let us know how this works out.
In the meantime, have a happy holiday and enjoy your family.
I agree with Threeolivemartini...call the mother. Once when I was little, I used to get so tanned I'd be black...and one of the kids kept calling me nigger...and that is so not nice. My mom called her mom and it was all good. I was 9 or so.
I wouldn't suggest you run over K with the surbaban, you just got new tires after all and I wouldn't want his little bones to puncture them and give you a flat.
To be honest though, I was gonna say talk to K's mom until I read Kims post and got to thinking about me and you growing up. With Gigantors size and the fact kiddo is gonna take after daddy and his auntie Alekx he's gonna get teased alot. Mom never helped us address our self esteem so we had to fight through those issues all the way into our 30's. I hope both of us have learned from that and I agree with Kim it's gonna be easier to help the munchkin work on his self esteem and to get the "tough" skin, but he's also gonna have to lock K's heals...maybe even telling K "You are my best friend but if you keep trying to hurt my feelings I will have to stop hanging around you so much until you realize that friends don't do that to each other. And maybe he can suggest other "cool" nick names they can have for each other.
Not being a mom hell I don't know but good luck
Love you baby sister.
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