Funny Merry Christmas

Well Captain Daddy did get in on time, and all is well. We have been running non stop. Walmart after he got in, to get kiddo, dinner, wrapping. Then today, Kiddo to party, then me and Captain Daddy went to Bashas, then Safeway, then home for a few (wrapping) then to get Kiddo, to get lunch and home. Made half of dinner, sold swing set, and got it out of here (so we can set the trampoline up). Went Christmas light looking, came home had dinner, watched a movie. Then wrapped all the rest of Kiddo's stuff, and stuff from santa. Only thing I haven't done is wrap a couple little things for in the stocking. Gigantor hasn't wrapped anything yet. Tomorrow Gigantor and Captain Daddy are going to the store to shop for me. I in the mean time get to boil eggs, and make 5 pumpkin pies, and cookies for Santa, and clean off the table, and vacuum. uggghhhhh

Okay on that note. I wanted to wish all my Blogger Family a very very very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!! I'm gonna leave you with a funny, and I don't know when I'll get back. Lots of stuff to do. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!! I ADORE YOU ALL!!!!


Christmas with Louise

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill
them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true
because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were
overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on
sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't
sell
those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If
you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse
yourself.
I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?"
"You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the
inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll
that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the
car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult.
Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line,
according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a
book
on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at the
bottom of
the price scale.
To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On
Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to
life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee
morning
hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling
pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies
and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went
home,
and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to
his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left
the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and
bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty
hose
so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the
traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
"What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's
a
doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had
several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her
clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,"
Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was
relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have
answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in
the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled
up to me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told
him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the
mantel, talking to
Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we
realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had
died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made
a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the
morning.
Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and
fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed
cranberry
sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his
knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother
fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her
napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a
Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough
examination
to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had
suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately,
thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect
health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think
Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.