Happy Blogging Day.....NOT!!!!!

I got on today full of excitement. As I do every day I'm going to sit down and read blogs. You all can't know how much I enjoy this. So...after about 3 blogs I was so majorly depressed I couldn't think to read any more till just this evening. In reading three blogs and their comments I had learned that 2 people have decided to quit blogging, and many others are contemplating the same thing. I also heard that someone I care for is getting a divorce. Breaks my heart that they are hurting. But at least she is still blogging.

I know that everyone has to make up their own minds if they are going to blog or not. And I respect their wishes. It just truly saddens me. So...maybe I should let you all know what my blog means to me, and then you can understand why I'm so sad.

I have had struggles in my life. Alot of physical, and emotional struggles. I don't like to dwell on them, cuz that's where this part comes in. I can suffer from depression. I've been on some meds before, but they never helped. (the one's I tried) So...I have instilled tools to help with it. Humor!! Humor is a big part of dealing with all the crap that life can dish out. I came to the conclusion that getting upset just won't help a situation. So, I laugh at most things in my life. As you can see if you go read some of my old posts. Or in my comments on your blogs. But....About 2 years ago, it got way to much for me. Way to much. I hated everything, and my health went way down hill. There wasn't much humor in "my" life. The only thing that kept me going was the love of family and friends. Even my internet friends. That's something that has always provided me such huge strength. Out of no where I started a journal. A hand written journal. I wrote every day. I wrote about what pissed me off. I ranted, I raved, I cried. Then I wrote 2 things that happened in the news that day. (even if it was something so insignificant as the weather report) Then I wrote at least (sometimes more) five things that I was grateful for. It could have been something huge, like a life saved, or something small like the smell of fresh coffee brewing. Then to end it all, I said a prayer. Wrote down a flippin prayer. I would ask God to help me with all the struggles I was going through (that was the toughest, cuz I am not the kind of person that asks for help) Then asked him to help with struggles that family was going through. I kept that written journal until I started this blog. I went back and read it. I found how absolutely screwed up I was. I found how I grew, and got my love of everything in life back, and yes got my humor back. I found where, now, I realize some situations were toxic for me. And once I was out of them, things were so much better. My journal was the best $1.69 therapy a person could buy.

Now I don't write in that journal anymore. Because I write in this blog. I can have a day so full of laughs, and write it down. Or I can have the fear of losing my mom, and hating that she put us through that. And I can vent it all. Like my heading says. A place for my rants, my dreams, and my thoughts. This blog has continued the amazing therapy that my journal was. But this blog has been better. Why??? Because I have found friends, and they come and laugh with me. And they cry with me. And they fricken hold me up if I have to yell at the world. And they yell with me!!! By God they yell with me!!! And you know what?? They don't judge me. If they don't agree with me, they either say it nicely, or they don't say it. Cuz, that my beautiful people is what friendship is about. You all may treasure your comments, and your blog. You may even treasure it more than I treasure mine. But even with these words, you will never know how much I treasure each and every single comment, and who it comes from.

Where this blog is therapy to help me stay sane in my world. The comments are the thing that makes all of the struggles worth it. To know your not alone. To know at least someone out there cares.

That is why I was saddened to the prospect of losing some of those friends. At the reality that some are hurting. At the knowledge of knowing, what this blog means to me, and being scared that if theirs meant that much to them, then they would be hurting as I would be if I stopped blogging.

Okay I think I said what I needed to say, to help end the depression. I dug so deep in my psyche that my nose is bleeding. hehehehee

I'm sorry for such the serious post. But as I said. My therapy, and I needed that.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.