Thursday, March 27, 2008

Some Days Old People Suck!!!

No offense Coffeypot. hahahahaa *ducks lamp thrown at head*

Hey has anyone else been stuck in the couch like this puppy before, or is it just me??

Okay on to the sucky old people.

Attention you old cranky fuck that lives down the street. I understand you are so old and cranky that the only entertainment you get is to watch what goes on in the neighborhood then call the city or police and complain about it. I realize the the city has nothing better to do than hear about you complain about cars going to fast, then to slow, with lights on, without, with kids in them, with women driving. What the fuck ever.

But for the love of all that is holy, GET YOUR FUCKING HAND OUT OF YOUR PANTS!!! I hate driving by and seeing your hand down the front of your pants. I realize you are old and crusty and your probably worried it's gonna fall off. So use duct tape like a normal human. I don't need to see you holding onto it for dear life.

To the old and dirt crossing guard lady. I realize that aliens came and sucked your brains out when you were a little girl. I also realize that you have a hard time walking and majorly waddle side to side, so you take fucking forever. I even realize and accept that you like to waddle out and stop traffic, when the children are still over half a block away, and taking their sweet dam time to get there. I try to sit patiently for that. But for fuck sake STOP STARING AT THE PEOPLE IN THE CARS FOR A GOOD TWO MINUTES AFTER THE KIDS HAVE CROSSED. PUT THAT DAM SIGN DOWN AND WADDLE YOUR ASS OUT OF THE CROSSWALK SO WE CAN FUCKING GOOOOOOOO. If you keep it up, just staring at all us cars with no kids around, and keeping us all stopped for a couple minutes. I'm gonna fucking snap and get out of my car and beat you to within an inch of your life with the dam stop sign then shove it where the sun don't shine and watch to see if you can waddle then!!!!!

Finally for today, to my mother in law. I realize you do guilt trips all the dam time, and I'm gonna talk about some. But for the love of God why do you do guilt trips so much that you even guilt yourself into stupid shit???

I know you wanted us to go out with the "family" for easter. A tradition since Gigantor was little, but never once have we been invited too, till now. But I told you that we were having other family over, so we were staying here. Also that we had our own traditions for the past 15 years, since we had never been invited. And frankly I didn't want to drive 2 or more fucking hours to go have an egg hunt and picnic and drive home. Not on a Sunday, not with his family and not with gas prices. And Easter was last weekend, so quit fucking pissing and moaning about us not going, just shut up!!!

Also...I did not feel bad when you told me how you all dyed eggs and you made each of the kids and grandkids a special egg. There was no reason to go "Oh oh oh but I made you all one too, you have to come over and get it." And bug us till we do come over only to find you just freshly boiled three eggs and wrote each of our names on them with a magic marker. You did not have to guilt yourself bad enough to do that really stupid gesture. We are not so fickle that we care if we didn't get an egg. fuck!!!

And lastly dear mother in law. I do know that Gigantors sister is going to be in town this weekend. I also know that we get to see her about 5 or 6 times a year. And yes I know your sick way of wanting to force all the family together, that doesn't really want to be together. That's why I told you about me having family coming in town and we were doing dinner at my Uncles on Saturday, before you had a chance to spring a dinner on us. You seemed to accept this, even though you were disappointed.
But to have you call Gigantor back when he was home and give him the guilt trip of his life about how he should go to dinner and see his sister, and if he absolutely can't how we need to not work on the house to get moved but we need to go up and spend the day with them and you. Next time you try to guilt trip him after I have told you how something is. I'm not gonna be nice. So...STOP IT!!!!!

Okay I think I am done bashing old people for today.

Have a good Thursday everyone!!!!


cookie monster said...

If you're going to bash old people, can I put my neighbours forward?

Phoenix5 said...

Boy! Am I glad I'm not an old person...yet! :-|

Good to see you standing up to your mother-in-law though. The woman needs to get over herself.

Hope that rant made you feel better!

Burfica said...

cookie--yeah you do a post about old neighbors now. lol

Phoenix--not a rant just observations. stupid dam people. hahahahaha

Christine said...

I think your monster in law and mine went to the same school of torture.

I solved the problem by stopping talking to her a year into the marriage. Suited us both just fine.

Biddie - pissed off inlaw! said...

Ok, Burf, tell us how you really feel!
I swear, sometimes I think that we have the same in laws...
Shawn's family NEVER invites us over. Never. Ever. BUT, when we don't show up for something that they want us there for - like, oh, say a bday party for a spoiled brat that never speaks to us, or worse yet, is just plain rude to me, they get pissed.
I am not a fucking mind reader, people. You can't be pissed b/c we didn't show up for something when NOBODY TOLD US ABOUT THE GD EVENT.
That being said, we probably wouldn't go anyway.
That feels better. Thanks for letting me vent. Some of his people know about my blog, so I have to keep my real feelings on DL.
I feel much better now :)

Burfica said...

christine--most of them and us still don't talk (he's the youngest of 9) but some have started, and for his sake I try.

Biddie--I've had in law nightmares from day one, since before we were married. they are the same way about functions, tell us last then pissed when we don't go.

Special K said...

Of course it just so happens that in laws are old. They are annoying at any age.
Your MIL is intriguing. I want more posts on her. I miss mine. Heh. Ok mine was a lot more subtle but she played the same Jedi mind games with my hubby. I am happy to say the force was stronger with my side, I won.

CrystalChick said...

Oooh, how good does it feel to get those thoughts out! You go girl.
I usually keep things tame over at my part of blogland. I'm too afraid of who actually reads it. LOL Not that I would really go completely off but I would bitch a fit at b-i-l for deciding on his own that he can wear shoes in my house. I don't recall changing the rule. I still take my shoes off, hubby takes his shoes off, our kids take their shoes off and butthead USED to take his shoes off but has now decided, probably because the dust in here especially on the hardwood in the dining room will not only half choke you to death it'll dirty up your socks too. So I sorta figure he thinks that the rugs I'm trying to keep clean just aren't that clean anymore ESPECIALLY since we have a few pets to track shit in but it was MY rule and I didn't change it. My house, my rules, right?? Rat bastard just does his own damn thing. We finally get him to say hello when he comes in the house and I think he's learning how to be more social and he just does something else to bug the living crap out of me. B r e a t h e.....
Ah, okay. Whew, that was fun. :)

Burfica said...

K--did your inlaws try for years to get him to divorce you??? hehehehe

Crystal--Oh my goodness you have a brother in law as annoying as my sister Alekx. hahahaha (I mean her husbands brother, not that's she's annoying, that sounded weird)

James said...

I'm gonna fucking snap and get out of my car and beat you to within an inch of your life with the dam stop sign then shove it where the sun don't shine and watch to see if you can waddle then!!!!!

LOVED this post!!! I've always liked your view on life. You raised the staring issue. I have a BIG ass fucking problem with people who STARE!!

I was raised that staring was impolite but I guess when you're old politeness doesn't matter anymore.

And yet the old folks are always the ones who seem to accuse anyone younger than them as rude!!!

But it's not just old people who stare like slack-jar yokels. Seems that everyone does it now. I feel like tattooing a big ass middle finger on my forehead to give the nosy assholes something to REALLY look at.

I need a shirt and a bumper sticker that says, "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESs!!!"

Burfica said...

james--yeah and it's not so much the staring. I'm a people watcher but try not to stare (or be noticable doing it) But she like glares down at the cars looking from lane to lane and just sits there with everyone stopped for no dam reason.

MomThatsNuts said...

Now Now Burf, deep breath in, deep breath out...think of the STOP sign as a sign to slow your life down, stop and smell the roses, take a walk, read a book. Think positive thoughts. Come on, you can do it!

never mind, screw it...I can think of SEVERAL places the "sun dont shine"

As for your OLD people post, remember my SNOWBIRD RANT of 2007?? lol it reminded me of that.

Family schmamily...gimme a gun


Libby said...

guilt trips! whee! how old do you hafta be before you send your family on one??

Joy T. said...

Hmm maybe that sign strategically placed might help fix her waddle? Well anyway. It's always good to get these things out. And when it's this funny, it helps the rest of us out too :o)

Burfica said...

mom--yeah I'll remember to breath deep to conserve my energy when I'm beating her with the sign.

libby--I think you have to an inlaw to do them or my mother to do them. hahahaha

Joy--yeah I try to take it with some humor, or I would be crazier than I already am. hehehehe

Miranda said...

I know some of them can be soooo aggrevating.

Special K said...

You win Burfica, hands down! Hee! My inlaws actually loved me to pieces and I loved my Mother in law. I had my moments with Father in law as he was an alcoholic for all his life until the year before I married my husband. Then his personality stayed the same. Guess it wasn't the alcohol. :)